I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
