I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Damn victory sex feels great
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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