The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
