I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
