Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize