Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
