Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
