bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
