u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
