Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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