Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
as a side note pls kill me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
