So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
