Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
