i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
