Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
