i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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