Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
