I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We're too hungover to prance.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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