I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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