I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
