They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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