fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
well you can't waste a boner
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize