I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
