He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
