I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
