She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
