He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
