someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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