You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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