I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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