The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
