If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
