stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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