I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
