I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
