you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
