so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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