Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i think i just lost a toe
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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