does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
