Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
