Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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