They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
