i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
