I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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