Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
don't judge my taste in strippers
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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