Already got asked if we're dating
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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