ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize