found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
