Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
