So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize