He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
