he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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