She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
