Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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