Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
is that a dick in a sweater?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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