rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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