So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
