I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
