Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
