you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
