I bet he comes in French.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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