Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
