your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
