Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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