Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
