just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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