my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
