im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
