Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
