a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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