woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
