Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
