I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
