He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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