Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
