if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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