he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
