Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
