bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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