Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
