just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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