all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
