Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You ate ashes out of my bong
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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