You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
