Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
