I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
