highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
