So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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