Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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