Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
