I just pynch a tree in the face
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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