I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
