they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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