Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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